Nothing comes without work.  My father had taught me that.   If anyone wants anything, they have to suck it up, and bust their ass.   No one can step into a pile a shit and expect it to turn into gold without effort.   Whether I go to dental school in the fall of 2004 or not, I will have at least eight months of no school from January 2004 to August of 2004 to work my ass off for this band that is in the makes.  I am determined to make this become something more than what it is now.  

Over the course of these past five or six  years, I have learned a lot;  not about chemistry and biology and such, but more about who I am and what I believe is important in life.   My experiences that I have had at college, as well as the struggles, have helped me to become a stronger person.   My father passing away recently has also helped me to build character.   I think that as people go through life, the struggles and boundaries that they are forced to overcome to get where they want to be build character.  We, in a sense, become not what we are raised to be, but rather what our life experiences create us to be.   I really wanted to speak at my father's service, but could not get the courage to speak.  I wanted to tell everyone what he meant to me and what he had taught me in life.  From him, I have learned that no matter how shitty things may be at times, they always get better.  Nothing is set in stone and you can always recreate your place in our society through hard work and patience.   He taught me how to be independent and to rely on myself more than any other person.    He taught me to take matters into my own hands to get everything that I ever wish to hold.   Most importantly, he taught me to be who I am today.    I hadn't seen him for almost a month before he died.  I was away at school.   The last time I saw him was at a wedding we went to.   My father always wanted to take my brother and I to a bar and just drink all night, just the three of us.   Though I have drunken with him many times, we never got to do that.  I hate to think about all of things we will never get to do.   I would have really liked to have him see me graduate more than anything else.  He was very proud of me, though sometimes I think he had some difficulty showing it.   It has been around two months since the last time I saw him, but I had spoken to him on the phone two days before he died.   We talked about school and the upcoming weekend when I was coming home to visit.   I am glad that I spoke to him that day and can take unbelievable amounts of comfort in the fact that his last words spoken to me were, "I love you" and "good bye."   I thank him for all he has done for me and just wish that he was still here.   I'll deal with it and through dealing with it I define my humanity.  I really miss him, but life goes on...